DEAR NOLLYWOOD

HELLO ladies and gents…..i’ve really missed you Guys. It’s been a while. .Yours truly has been quite busy of late but I managed to stumble on a trend on twitter…..#ThingsNollywoodTaughtME. It basically talks about various things we’ve been made to believe as a result of the Nollywood movies that we watch. For your information, Nollywood refers to the Nigeran movie industry It’s just for Fun though……ENJOY!! .#ThingsNollywoodTaughtME…..

That the soundtrack of a movie can tell you the whole story.

That you can carry a hair-do for 20 yrs.

That you can actually get hit by a parked vehicle.

That the wife of a poor skinny man is always fat.

That all mother-in-laws’ are wicked and evil.

That a poor farmer can afford brazilian hair.

That when a couple can’t have a male child it’s the woman’s fault.

That the native doctors are always poorer than those they make rich.

That witches must always laugh during their meetings.

That once someone is poisoned the person must scream, cough and then die.

That all kidnappers stay in uncompleted buildings.

That you can cry foe 1 hr without tears coming out of your eyes.

That all long-bearded men are always evil.

That you can hear a Nokia ringtone from a Blackberry phone.

 That you can shoot someone on the leg and then blood will come out of the mouth.

That once a woman vomits, she‘s pregnant.

That an actor does not die…. If he dies, his ghost must appear in part 2.

 That all poor people drink Garri and the rich people drink juice.

That mad people always like bread.

That a ghost must look left and right before crossing the road.

That poisoned food always tests better.

That all the village elders wear the same cloth everyday.

That you can cry with only one eye.

That you can watch someone travel from Lagos to Ibadan.

That you can actually SKYPE using a calabash filled with water. *LAUGHS OUT LOUD*……


 I do hope you enjoyed it. Now its time for you to make me laugh, What has NollyWood taught YOU???? Stop looking back, I’m talking to you…yes you!!!.

GRACIAS.

THE CONVERSATION

Adamsa was really tired of all she had been going through. She had experienced a lot of problems in her life that she felt she must be the worst person living on planet earth. Really what other explanation can there be??? She had written her WAEC exams 6 years ago yet no admission into the university. The truth is that JAMB has been “jamming” her. As if that is not enough, she has to battle it with her father everyday each time he compares her to other people. He calls her names like “idiot, stupid, empty head e.t.c” most nights she cries herself to sleep. Her pillow is always soaked with tears, as she asks herself “where did I go wrong??”. The boyfriend that she thought loved her, only wanted to sleep with her. To think that she thought she was in love…*sigh*. She woke up in the midnight one day feeling very hungry. She then decided to watch t.v while munching on the biscuit and tea that she managed to find in the kitchen. She stumbled on a “preaching session” on T.V and decided to watch. The pastor kept emphasizing the fact that the only way for us to get rid of our challenges is to talk to God about them. “hmmmm…that’s a new one, haven’t tried that before” Adamsa said to herself. Then she decided to give it a try. “Really, what is there to lose??”

 ADAMSA: OK….not sure how this works, but I’ll try my best. DEAR GOD, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!

GOD: Go on…..I’m listening.

ADAMSA; oh my….you can hear me??

GOD: of course I can, I’ve been waiting for you to call on me.

ADAMSA: Lord it seems so impossible to succeed in this life….i’ve tried everything *sigh*

GOD: My child ”all things are possible”

ADAMSA: but I’ve tried my best….i’m tired already.

GOD: don’t be, just “come unto me and I will give you rest”

ADAMSA; why is it that nobody really loves me? They all pretend to, but really they don’t.

GOD; it doesn’t really matter. Just know that “I love you”

ADAMSA; thanks Lord. But where have you been all my life. Is it that you were around and watched all these things happen to me??

GOD; I was, I am and will always be with you. “I will never leave you nor forsake you”

ADAMSA; it looks like I’m not smart enough…haba!...i’ve been trying to enter school for the past 6 yrs yet no luck. Some of my mates have already graduated. It’s not like they have 2 heads….what is wrong?

GOD; you must have heard of the phrase “ask, and it shall be given unto” but do you really do it? Ask me in faith and “I will Give you Wisdom”

ADAMSA; is it even worth it? all these stress I’m going through…I feel like I can’t go on.

GOD; don’t relent, “it will be worth it in the end”…..never forget that “my grace is sufficient for you”

ADAMSA; why is it that you have so much confidence in me? I don’t even believe in myself, I feel I can’t do it.

GOD; Hahaha…. I am you creator, I made you and I know you. Trust me, “you can do all things”.

ADAMSA; but I’m afraid ….i’m scared Lord.

GOD; my child “I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.” You are stronger than you know.

ADAMSA; how will I manage? ,,,I have nothing. Who will provide for me??

GOD; “I WILL SUPPLY ALL YOUR NEEDS”

ADAMSA; WOW!!!.....with all I’ve done to you?? I’ve slandered your name and caused harm to the people around me. I’ve cursed people et all……still you will do all this for me?

GOD; my child “I FORGIVE YOU”



 GRACIAS.