THIS MONEY MATTER

Dear diary, 

It's a money show around the world today. Artistes are spraying the crispy notes in their music videos like it's going out of fashion. Sugar daddies and mummies are using it to keep their partners in check and Street walkers are smiling to the bank by trading their bodies for it. Le boos' are struggling day in and out to make the money so that they can keep their girl friends and the rich husbands are trying to make more money so that they can maintain the trophy wife at home. 

Those who have enough want more, those who don't have, can kill to have it. Is there an end to this search for money? Some people have died by hanging while some have been sentenced to life imprisonment all because of money. Some work all their lives, saving and economizing this precious money only to be killed in an accident, leaving the money for someone else to enjoy. Dignities have been lost and closed doors have been opened, all because of money. It's good to save money but it doesn't stop you from treating yourself right once in a while (if you can afford it). What is life about if we don't take risks?

Money can also be a test of true friendship. Over the years, it has been the major cause of enmity between some friends and it has also helped to unmask pretenders. People that were humble when they had nothing, suddenly become proud (with pleasure) when the money starts rolling in.

Being rich is not a sin after all the Holy book says it is the LOVE of money (greed) that is the root of all evil. If you can, make all the money that can be made but do share with others (orphanages, disabled people e.t.c) once in a while .

Here are some comparisons on what money can and cannot do. Enjoy!

Money can buy you a house but not a home

Money can buy you food but not appetite

Money can buy you clothes but not style

Money can buy you books but not brains

Money can buy you drugs but not health

Money can buy a sofa but not comfort

Money can buy you make-up but not beauty

Money can get you a woman but not a wife

Money can buy you a bed but not sleep....

I would have said money can't buy happiness but like my friend always says "money can't buy you happiness but it's better to cry in a Bentley than in an encroached beetle". 

I'll also like to see your tangible and intangible comparisons on what money can and cannot buy. Please share.

Gracias.

THE PREGNANT VIRGIN

Dear diary,

As amazing as conceiving is

Being a pregnant maiden can be shocking

Consilience becomes a daily routine

Doing all to find out what happened

Everyday you wake up to queries 

From people you do and do not know

Going out you hear tattles about

How loose and crass you've become

Irrespective of what really happened

Judgement is based on societal muse

Knowledge from what they see and hear

Labour of love is what I call it

Moving into a new phase of my life

New blood is growing within me

Only way out is through

Pregnant as I am

Questions will always come

Rare as it is, it must be done

Surrogacy is what it's called

Telling all who care to know

Unabridged version of my story

Virgin that got gravid without coitus

Well-defined is my mission

Xenogeneic is what is inside me

Yes, I am ready

Zero hour has come!

THE BRAVEST GIRL(S) IN THE WORLD

Dear diary,

Last night I watched Christiane Amanpour's interview with Malala Yousafzai, apparently the bravest girl in the world. She is the 16 year old Pakistani school pupil that was shot in the head by Taliban gunmen because she wanted to go to school.

On January 15, 2009, the Taliban announced on the radio that from that day, "no girl must go to school." Malala was born into a family that believes in freedom. According to her father, its better to be free for one day than to be  enslaved for eternity. She wanted to become a doctor in the future, have a positive impact in the society and the only way to achieve that was to go to school. On october 9, 2012, Malala was shot in the head by Taliban gunmen on her while returning home from school. She was in a critical condition and had to be flown to England for recuperation. The whole world gathered to pray for her defying religion and ethnicity, and today she can tell her story.

As I watched the interview, so many things came to mind; Ghost law against women and education, Boko haram insurgence against western education and Child marriage.

Malala's story is similar to that of a lot of girls in some parts of Nigeria. The only difference is that they have been stopped from going to school by their very own parents and family in the name of culture and tradition. I call it a ghost law because such parents would never agree with you that such a law is in place, but they abide by it. The girls want to go to school and become relevant in the society too but that dream cannot be a reality because their people believe a woman's place is in the kitchen.

According to his excellency, Boko haram has always been in Nigeria but it presented itself to the public after it claimed responsibility for the Independence day bombing of 2009. I've lost count of the number of schools that have been bombed over the years and even the number of students that have been killed or maimed for life. They wanted to go to school too but they were not given the chance too. Those that still go to school do so with fear and trembling in their heart, expecting the expected. The militants say they are against western education, yet they use the internet to upload videos claiming responsibility for attacks.

Child marriage has always been among us as a nation but few a ready to stand against it. We know it exists, our brothers and fathers are marrying the little girls and instead of the society to speak against it, we look the other way. Children are bethrothed to older men and have no chance of education. The child is damaged emotionally, psychologically, physically and mentally. She is programmed like a machine and is left with no choice than to obey.

Malala is just like the average teenage girl in Nigeria. What differentiates her from the girls' here is that she has been given a voice to speak out. Who will give the girls' here a voice?

Just thinking.

STATE OF THE NATION: Danfo incorporated

Dear Diary,

 

Living in Lagos,Nigeria has been a wonderful experience so far. I've learnt some monumental lessons that I can't trade for anything in the world. Survival skills, the hustlers carriage and pricing tactics are some of the intangible rewards of living in Lagos. Even though the noisy generators and owambe parties tend to constitute a nuisance in the state, over time you tend to develop thick skin to it all.

 

Today, I found myself in a danfo and I couldn't help but think about the transport system in Lagos. The transport system has evolved over the years from the era of molue and danfo to keke napep, okada, yellow cabs (Taxi), BRT's (Bus Rapid Transit) and the gradually improving train system. For any state to perform well, there has to be a stable judiciary system in place and that's why bans have been placed on different modes of transport in different parts of the state with dire consequences awaiting anyone found wanting.  The Danfo has been around for a long time and It is still a major form of transport for the average lagosian. Bus fares have been increased from time to time but that has not detered our love for le danfo. The yellow buses are not nicknamed danfo for nothing. Being a non-yoruba lagosian, I want to believe the yellow buses are called danfo because of the wear and tear they have undergone. These buses were originally used for corporate services but after they have become veterans at the mechanic shop due to repairs for many years, they are sold to these drivers at a much cheaper rate. Sometimes when they buy these buses they are without headlamps, side mirrors, seat belts and brakes!. Yes brakes! I was seated in one of such buses today.

 

The danfo I entered was nothing to write home about. The driver was shouting "ojuelegba... #50 bus" and innocent citizens apparently oblivious of the critical condition of the bus were boarding. We knew the danfo was a write off but it was the only affordable and available mode of transport to our destination. When the bus was full, the driver refused to move. Did I mention that he doubled as the conductor of the bus? He insisted on collecting the fares before moving. To get  the bus moving, he had to join two pieces of naked wire while telling the passenger on his right to put his seat belt on. The confused passenger after much searching finally found a black rope that was the supposed seat belt. The ride was a bumpy one as usual and so we were not bothered that the driver was moving much slower than a bicycle. After much persuation he increased his speed. It was not until he bumped into another vehicle that I understood the whole thing. The bus had no brakes!

 

The driver had been moving slowly and hitting pavements because the brakes were not working. In order for him to stop at a bus stop for a passenger to alight, he had to bump into a car for safety. I thought it was a mistake the first time but after he did it two more times, I was sure it was on purpose. The straw that broke the camel's back reared its head when he reached my bus stop. As big as the danfo was, he bumped into a keke napep because there was no other vehicle in sight. The driver of the keke napep took one look at the danfo driver and parked. He came down and started exchanging words with the driver. When curses started flying in the air, yours truly took to her heels. If there is anything I've learnt in Lagos, it is to avoid a fighting scene.

 

The danfo's are part and parcel of the Lagos scene just as owambe parties can never be over emphasised. We know that some of them are death traps in motion but while we board them, it is important that we look out for our safety. Yes, the seat belt is a rope but at least that rope can reduce the damages an accident may cause. If you are sitting by the door, insist on having the door closed before the bus moves.These are some of the safety measures you should accustom yourself with while in Lagos. Also, if you notice that the bus has no brakes or is in a very bad condition, its better for you not to board because your life has no duplicate.

 

As to what happened to the driver at the end of the day, I am not sure. One thing I do know is that he would still go and carry a new set of unknowing passengers in his death trap.Free advice; be on the look out and avoid him. Its better to be late than to be the Late.

 

 

Gracias.

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

“Yeah ,I’m talking to you…you in the mirror” these were the words I kept saying to myself as I looked at myself in the mirror before leaving the house. At this moment you might be thinking that I have lost it but hey, research has shown  that everyone is allowed 5 minutes of madness everyday. It all started when I was watching an episode of keeping up with the kardashians. In this episode, kim was playfully thrown into the river by her fiancée Kris and then she discovered that she had misplaced her earings. She came out of the water crying and people were surprised at her action because it was just an “EARING”. She said that she was crying because the earing cost her 75,000 dollars and she just got them recently. I also lambasted her because I was wondering why a human being would cry that hard for something that can be replaced…I did not try to put myself in her shoes.

Then the next day, I had my own “kim” moment. I was sent on an errand to the bank to pay in some money and I was in a hurry because I did not want the bank to close before me. I quickly took a shower and was trying to dress up when I found out that my shirt was not ironed. I rushed to the room and put on the iron with the hope that it would heat up while I was getting ready. After a while I went back to iron my shirt and without checking the heat I placed it on my shirt……...”Aaaarrrgghh” was all that came out when I opened my mouth. My beautiful shirt was no more because It had been burnt. I could not cry because no one was at home to listen to me but then I started laughing when I remembered kim’s earing. The same way I insulted her because she was crying for her earing  is the same way some of you reading this would insult me because I was sad about the burnt shirt.

Well it’s a case of different strokes for different folks because what you’ll hold dear to your heart may be something I’ll just overlook. My shirt might not be as expensive as kim’s earings but then I liked my shirt a lot. The lesson here is that it is not cool to pass judgement on people so quickly without hearing their side of the issue. A lot of times when we hear stories about people we don’t even know from Adam or even those we are close to, we just write them off without trying to put ourselves in their shoes or even see them through God’s eyes (which is just and fair by the way). At least everyone deserves a chance to explain themselves. The moral of the story is that we should learn to be patient and not be too quick to pass judgement on people unless you can put yourself in their shoes because “it is he that wears the shoe that knows where it pinches him”.

            So my new motto is "what you don’t want people to do to you, don’t do to other people". Also, at the end of the day kim found her earing at the bottom of the river but my shirt was burnt beyond repair *crying*.

FEEL FREE TO DROP YOUR COMMENTS AND CRITICISMS…….gracias!

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Once a nation of peace, the envy of all her peers

Once a mentor to her counterparts around the globe

Once a prominent figure in the economic world

What happened to Nigeria?

"There's no light, we don't have water...

  Fuel prices have gone up again, another strike is underway...

  They have bombed another village...

  I'm tired of this country, what can we do?"

From the military to civilian regime

Transiting from khaki to agbada

From slavery to freedom

Our anthem remains "what can we do?"

"Yes! Our problem is corruption"

Who or what exactly is corrupt?

Giving the usher #1000 so you could get a good seat at the seminar

Smiling to your friend and asking, "what can we do?"

Always ready to lambast the government

Forgetting that it is of the people, for the people and by the people

You refused to come out and vote and she sold her vote for #1000

"We need the money, what can we do?"

A nation filled with political parties that don't have the masses interest at heart

Our Activists never see anything good in the country

The youths prefer to tweet and retweet solutions from their beds

"We are young, what can we do?"

A nation so blessed with natural resources

Importing what is grown on our very own soil

We  adore the western culture but look down on our own cultural values

"Their own is better, what can we do?"

A nation gradually becoming a centre for kidnap and terrorism

Serial rapists, pedophiles make the country unsafe for our children

Instead of protesting and speaking against such violence

The society looks the other way and asks, "what can we do?"

53 years on and she is regressing

The giant of africa is sleeping and scavengers are hunting her down

Willing to fight back but not ready to take the fall

Her people are asking, "what can we do?"

Suffering and smiling is our unpopular motto

Watching and waiting for the heavens to build Nigeria

Instead of being the change that we crave and seek

We would rather make jokes and ask, "what can we do?"

Stand up Nigerians and stand out in your field

Nobody will build your country for you

Seek today to answer the begging question

"In pursuit of Nigeria's progress, what have I done?"

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE ANNIVERSARY  NIGERIA.

You are not built-to-fall

You are beau-ti-ful

A DAY IN LIFE WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY

Dear diary,

"Buzz!!!..." I was so sure I heard the alarm ring in my sleep but I was mistaken. I was too tired to get up for work but it was Rakiya's voice that did the trick. "My friend, get up! Its 8:30 do you want to lose your job?!". I jumped up from the bed when I heard "job", I wasn't ready to visit the unemployment market just yet. I tried unlocking my phone to see the time for myself but it didn't come on. I was too late for work to even be bothered by the phone. I rushed to have my bath, jumped into my french gown, slipped into my flats and made way for the bus-stop. There was no time for my usual beauty routine (What's that saying about beauty being in the eyes of the beholder? Yeah, that was my motto for the day).

 

The queue at the bus-stop was a turn-off. I took one look at it and started walking to the office. On a good day, walking would get me to the office in 25 minutes but there I was at the office in 15 minutes. Luckily, Margaret Thatcher (my boss) had not yet arrived. I dropped my bag on my desk and quickly dashed to the back room to make an inventory of supplies from the previous day. I finished before the supplies for the day came in. I got back to my desk and my boss called me into her office. She wanted the report on supplies from the first quater of the year. Fortunately for me, I had already started work on the report so I went to get my laptop. The laptop refused to come on when I pressed the start button and that's when the coin dropped in my head. My phone did not unlock in the morning because the battery had drained and since PHCN had been acting up the last three days, I couldn't charge it. So here I was with a drained laptop and no charger. I didn't bother going back to her office because I was not ready for her tongue lashing. I stayed by my desk trying to scribble notes from my memory when she called me again. My heart skipped a beat.  I went in but this time she was with a guest.  She gave me some money and whispered something into my ear. I was relieved. She wanted me to buy lunch for her guest. Since it was lunch time at the office, I decided to kill two birds with one stone by going for my lunch break as well.

 

I placed my order at the restaurant and was waiting to be served when I saw le boo. I did the eye contact thing again and looked away. That had been my story the last two months. We never said anything to each other but whenever we saw each other at the restaurant, we made eye contact and that was it. I named him le boo when I started seeing him in my dreams. The food was served and it was only then that I realised how hungry I was. I couldn't help but imagine what would be trending on twitter. Surely someone must have tweeted a grammatical error and as usual it must have gone viral on the internet. Linda Ikeji must have posted a new gist on her blog about another celebrity that had bought a new car. As I was day dreaming, le boo walked up to my table and smiled. I was so shy that I couldn't even look at him. He asked for permission to join me at the table and I hurriedly agreed. We got talking and I laughed at everything he said. Looking back now, I don't think he was that funny maybe I was just too happy. I was still enjoying myself when Maria, my colleague at the office tapped my shoulder from behind and said, "where is your phone? Madam has been calling you since. She is shouting at the office, you better start running there." I stood up immediately and left the restaurant but not before I collected le boo's card. This was my second pot of soup for the day in the making and I wasn't ready for it. I got to the office and received all the insults doled out to me in good faith. I couldn't even explain to her that I left my phone at home because the battery had drained.

 

A sober me returned to my desk and just stared into space. I was through with my work for the day but with the 9-5 office rules in place, there was no way I could leave. I found some pieces of paper on the table and I started drawing. The drawing didn't make sense to me at first but when people started making good comments about it, my face lit up. Then I remembered high school and my love for the arts . Everything had changed now.

 

I was so engrossed in the drawing that I didn't realize evening had come. The cleaner was already locking up so I had to pack up and leave. Humming to myself, I walked home happily. I got home and Rakiya my flatmate had gone out as usual. PHCN was still acting up. Tired as I was, I jumped on my bed without changing my clothes. I wanted to sleep and forget the bad memories of the day. I was already dozing off when I felt rays of light on my eyelids. I opened my eyes and there was light! I started laughing. I laughed so hard my side ached. I had achieved the unimaginable, the unthinkable that day but I didn't realize it. I had gone a day in my life without technology. 😊 

WALKING AWAY.

Dear diary,

Over the last two weeks, I have been walking. The students association in school celebrated her annual health week that is usually declared open with a health walk. I'm always excited about so it is with great joy I go for the 45 mins walk with friends. We usually walk and dance, sharing flyers and toothpastes. Yeah I guess you saw us. It was all fun for me.

On Saturday, I walked again (yeah, it's more like a hobby now). This time it was the exquisite magazine walk against cancer. I wasn't keen on going at first but after my last post here, paranoia set in. I need to correct some deficiencies and so I've decided to walk away. I heard about the walk last year and wanted to attend but I couldn't. When I saw the opportunity again on Saturday, I readily went for it. We walked from eko atlantic to red carpet hall on ligali ayorinde rd. I enjoyed the walk not because of the number of celebs that showed up or the cold stone treat we got or even the freebies that were up for grabs (yeah right) but because it helped raise awareness about cancer. Yeah, i advice you go for your screening if you haven't because cancer is a silent killer and you don't want to be caught up in that web.

Cancer is a an abnormal growth of cells and tissues that can spread if not detected early. Breast, prostate and cervical cancers are rampant here in Nigeria, early detection is the key to surviving. It can be managed with radiotherapy and chemotherapy but non of these can be compared to the safe window you have if it is detected early. Enough of my medical rants, back to the walk!

As we walked, I noticed some differences between the walk on the island and that on the mainland. While walking on the mainland, we saw a lot of people on the road, even the flyers we were sharing finished but walking on the island, you would think there was a strike and people had to stay indoors. We had to start distributing flyers to people in their cars, being careful not to get killed in the process. 

Walking on the mainland, we danced and danced and danced but on the island people danced but were obviously more interested in painting their faces and taking pictures... Cheese!!!!

During the walk on the mainland, people dressed moderately not too loud (is it not what you have that you'll wear?) but on the island, you would think it was a party. Between the girls in Ankara head gears, shorts and the babes in heels like it was a red carpet event, I can only shake my head.

The walk on the mainland helped people to make new friends as some people kept setting p's at the back. On the island, I can't exactly say people made new friends because this faction was to busy hating on the other faction because they wore better clothes or looked too happy. Too many factions during the walk and I just wonder if they belong to the umbrella carrying party. *mouth zipped*.

The refreshments after the walk on the mainland were enough to keep body and soul together ( I won't say more than that) but on the island, it's like they were determined to replace the calories that were lost during the walk. I ain't complaining though. Please pass that ice cream bucket, thank you.

We walked for about 45 mins on the mainland and we were still energetic when we got back to school but after the 90 mins walk on the island, I slept like a baby. You would think I walked from Lagos to Ibadan.... *sigh*.

I could go on and on, like talking about the white couple that were dancing azonto or even the tiny lady that kept screaming "I'm tired, this walk is not for me" ( did she think we were going to ride in a limo? Hello! It's a walk) but I'll stop here for now.

Where are we walking to next week?  Beep me so we can walk together. We may even walk to the moon, who knows. 

Impossibility is nothing.

RICH WEDDING, POOR MARRIAGE

Dear diary,

It's another Saturday and it's time to attend yet another wedding... Yay!!. It's time to wear the oleku, velvet and shining lace. Rocking the 8 inches heels, It's time to take pictures with any and every body, picstich it and then post on instagram. It's time to smile at the bride and groom as they walk down the aisle with a new title "latest couple in town". We are going to eat our hearts out from small chops, to pepper soup and the main course----> rice  (if mogbomoyas' don't get there before us) and drink to stupor.  The single lady may find her knight and shinning amour while the bachelor may find the wife material he's been searching for. All these and more are some of the advantages of attending these weddings but do we really know what happens behind all the celebration?

The wedding is the festival/event/ceremony that marks the beginning of a marriage. The marriage is a reality that is meant to come to an end when you die (as we hear when the vow is read -----> till death do us apart). In preparation for the (church) wedding/ nikkah, a lot of pre-wedding events take place e.g the introduction, engagement dinner, bachelor night and bridal shower that is common to all tribes. Some tribes add some spice to their's such as the commiserative polo match done in the north, to the wine carrying and breaking of kola that's done in the east.  Let's not forget the wedding thanksgiving that is equally elaborate as well.

During all these events, the bride is expected to dress like a princess (as this is supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing) and this requires a lot of money. This is no big deal for those that are endowed in their pockets. The bride has to look radiant therefore you can only  marvel (and not complain even if you are hurt) at the amount of money that is pumped into a dress that can only be worn once. The groom is not spared in all of this. You may think "oh, he is just going to wear a suit and tie" but truth is the calibre of attire he decides to wear must match that of his bride. Good thing is that he can wear his again to church or even another wedding.

The couple get married and in 2 years time, we hear they are having issues in the marriage. The wife feels the husband is not compatible because he said he can no longer sponsor the monthly relaxation trip to Zanzibar she normally took as a spinster. The husband suddenly feels threatened because wifey is bringing more money home and it portrays him as a weak man. They can't talk to friends about it because after the pomp and pageantry friends saw during the wedding, husband and wifey must be living in heaven. Ever heard of don't put the cart before the horse? Why spend the money meant for the marriage on the wedding?

Every week, websites, blogs and magazines update their wedding section with pictures from weddings that took place during the weekend. It looks like a competition of some sort because with each week, new ideas (even better ones) are coming out. The reading audience are not absolved because you see comments like "oh, my wedding must beat this" or "lord, you know my heart please send my amour... My wedding must be shown here". You read all these from people that don't even have enough for a court wedding. Ever heard of 'cut your coat according to your size?' Can we blame anybody if at 48 such people are not married because they are waiting for a wedding that will "beat" others?

Yours truly is not a sadist and no, I'm not depressed. I just feel that it can all be done in moderation. If the family wants to make it an elaborate wedding, let it come from their pocket. I've heard of desperate women that use their 9-5 job salary to pay for a wedding dress just to make their friends jealous. You have so much to look forward to in the marriage such as bills and expenses so don't be in a hurry to spend. Enjoy your wedding with the family and friends that care, you don't have to invite Africa to celebrate with you. Some people even go for destination weddings just to cut cost because when mogbomoyas think about the cost of a flight, they'll rather attend the wedding in the next street.

If you have the wherewithal to do an elaborate/ talk of the town wedding that won't put a dent on your pocket, go ahead. If you are still struggling, I suggest you think twice before putting a hole that even tailors can't mend in your pocket. 

If you are trying to beat the wedding I'm about to go for today, it's fine. If you invite me I'll come. Who wants small chops? Holla!

RUNNING FROM THE FAT CITY

Last week, we were asked to fill questionnaires on obesity prevalence among undergraduates. In answering the questionnaires, we were to measure the waist and hip circumference in centimeters, weight in kilograms and height in meters. We had a good laugh because of the surprises that kept springing up. I always knew that boys and girls differed in size (because of "endowments" and the rest...lol)  but the figures I was hearing were shocking. Some boys had hip measurement of 35cm while some ladies were having about 100cm. We also calculated our BMI (Body mass index) and WHR ( waist-hip ratio). At the end of it all, some people found out that they were overweight and on their way to the fat city (obesity) while others discovered that being underweight isn't exactly "cool".

The body mass index (BMI), or Quetelet index, is a measure for human body shape and fat based on an individual's mass (kg) and height (m). It is defined as the individual's body mass divided by the square of their height with the value universally being given in units of kg/m2. When you calculate the BMI (body Maas index) and you are overweight (25.00-29.99) it's a signal to start work outs. The safe range is between 18.5-24.9. By the time you reach a BMI value of 30.00 or more, just know that you have reached the fat city (obesity) and its time to run!!!.

The Waist circumference is also important. To measure your waist, take a tape round your navel (belly button) and note the value. Normal waist circumference should not be greater than 88cm (35 inches) in women and 102cm (40 inches) in men. However, increase in your waist circumference also increases your risk of cardiovascular disease. The neck circumference is about 2 times that of the waist and that's why ladies prefer to test a new cloth around their neck when shopping at the market. Also calculate your waist to hip ratio (WHR). Abdominal obesity is defined as WHR greater than 0.90 in males and 0.85 in females. Are you in that category? Then it's time to run from the fat city. There's no time to feel ashamed or depressed. It's time to work it out.

Inasmuch as being underweight is cool to an extent, you may need some form of weight during pregnancy to avoid complications. Research has also proven that skinny people tend to have more fat in the blood hence the warning " Fat stored internally is worse than fat stored under the skin". In essence eat moderately at least to add a little weight.

Running from the fat city requires consistency, determination and courage (CDC). People advice all sorts from eating more water (i.e water melon, oranges and pineapple) to doing the sit ups but non of these can work without CDC. Do remember that it is all a function of time. Keep records daily of your achievements and you'll see progress.

Don't forget the best form of workout when you want to lose weight is thus: 

Sit upright with your back against the chair. Then turn your head first to the left and then to the right. Do this every time you are offered food that will send you to the fat city... Lol.

Comments!!!!!