When the better half goes...
Welcome to the diary of a young black woman. Today it's about Mr and Mrs Clark.
Mr and mrs Clark got married a few years ago and it's been a jolly ride for them. Mr Clark had a good job that was rolling in the money and mrs Clark wasn't doing too bad either. The children came along and the family increased in number. Mr and mrs Clark kept making plans for the future, working hard so that they could rest together in old age. All was going well until mrs Clark was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. Mr Clark went from hospital to hospital looking for help so the mrs could live. They did all sort of tests and therapies all to no avail. Mrs clark had barely completed the first therapy when she died. When the doctor told mr Clark that his wife had passed on, mr Clark fell from his chair and developed a seizure. He was admitted overnight in the hospital. He woke up at intervals crying himself back to sleep. He woke up the next morning unable to move his right limbs and the doctors suspected that he might have developed a stroke. They asked him to stay a while on the hospital for examination but he insisted on being discharged against the doctors advice. He even stood up with the intravenous fluid that was connected to his hand and walked a little distance just to prove to the doctor that he was fit to go. He kept shouting "if anything happens to me, blame me". Then one of the doctors asked him "who would your children blame? They have just lost their mother and now you want to go that same way?.:.."
When people get married, they hope and pray for long life together. That they would remain together even in their old age carrying their grandchildren but like one of Asa's popular songs "...no one knows tomorrow". Challenges are bound to pop up and most times we don't know how to face them.
When the better half dies, it takes a while for the surviving half to recover. In some cases, they never recover. You must have heard about people that die one month or one year after they lose their spouse. It becomes painful when you remember all the plans that were made for the future. Fear sets in and they wonder where to start from. It's more challenging when there are children left behind that have to be catered for but you must take solace in the fact that you still have a part of them living in those kids.
How do you console someone that has lost a spouse? What do you do or say? It is he that wears the shoe that knows where it pinches. Sometimes you have to let them cry out their pain so that they can come back stronger. They feel alone in the world and may tend to hide themselves from the world. Some people resolve to bury their sorrow by focusing on something else e.g work. They may get angry with the children for no reason and even start maltreating them. Others hurry off to marry another person not putting into consideration that the new spouse may not like the children. The children are now at the receiving end. The bereaved spouse sees them as risk factors for the new marriage and decides to do away with them. The poor kids are shipped off to be raised by their grandparents. Fast forward to the future and the kids are now rebellious, hating the surviving parent for something that could have been avoided.
Yes, you are hurting and you want to heal but the children should not be neglected. The children should be a priority to you. Anybody that wants you in their life should want them too. They are part and parcel of you and should not be removed. People heal better when the kids are happy because it's like a sign that the deceased spouse is proud of your efforts. The work is double now but you'll be happy at the end. It is only a function of time.
R.I.P Mrs Clark.
Touching story and hard to imagine but as they say, "The best way out is through". God be with us and preserve us!
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